“There are two basic motivating forces: fear and love. When we are afraid, we pull back from life. When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance. We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections. If we cannot love ourselves, we cannot fully open to our ability to love others or our potential to create. Evolution and all hopes for a better world rest in the fearlessness and open-hearted vision of people who embrace life.”John Lennon
I was looking for a quote about fear to open this post. And I found one rather quickly. It describes exactly the idea I’m trying to live by right now.
I’ve become very fearful in last couple of years. This is my attempt to break out from this ever-paralysing state that I have been in. Every sentence that I write comes very painfully as my mind is reminding me constantly that I’m finally writing this for someone to actually read. It mocks me about everything: wording, structure, length of sentences, feelings that I’m trying to express and how bad it will sound for others. My spite works like an icebreaker right now, pushing trough the layers of ice that fear has built around my heart. I am getting a bit poetic at times, that’s how I feel about it.
So why am I doing this? Why am I writing these lines and publishing it? What is that fear that I’m talking about? Why should you care? I’ll explain in the next paragraphs what is this all about for me and for you.
This section is a mix of welcome, disclaimer and about me sections. I wanted to write down the reasons why I am having this website.
And to keep it short, it is to overcome my fear and to show my work. I have been struggling with self-love, self-acceptance issues for years. Over the years I have closed my self from other people, emotions and hidden all my creative work.
Only in recent 2-3 years I have started to understand what is really going on with me. For many years I have been hiding behind perfectionism, structure and planning excuses. My thoughts, my music, my pictures, my writing, my ideas always had to be improved before I’d be willing to share them with the world. I felt that they were never good enough. Now I learned what a “scam” it all was. It was a well played scheme of fear to use my insecurities to keep me in place. I was like a river with infinitely huge damn. Built from bricks of fear.
I became detached from life, I became anxious and depressed. I lived in the past or and worried about the future, but often forgot to be simply present. I had fear of other people’s opinions, not being good enough and not being the person I imagined myself to be. And I will talk a lot about fear in this blog as I want to help other people who might have similar issues.
This website is manifestation of myself. This website is me being me. This website is what I’ll do to keep my creative energy flowing. This website is my attempt to do the very things that I’m afraid of. This website is to share my gifts with the world and help other people do the same.
This is just the beginning. I’ve gone trough a lot of revelations, healing and learning. And I want to share my path with you. Besides all the other content I’ll publish here, I will keep writing about fear and self-love too.
We all deserve to be heard, we all need more love and attention. Let’s see what happens if I just hit “Publish”.